For as long as I can remember I have always been a happy go lucky person. Of course I have had my sadder moments just like everyone else but I would over all call myself a positive person. Over the past couple years I had noticed that happy go lucky life style becoming more of a show. I would always plaster a smile across my face and wave at anyone that walked my way. I talked with classmates and friends as if my life were perfect but honestly my life was and is no where near perfect. I began to rely on others to make me happy. I found myself becoming dependent and needy. That was not me. I also began to seek attention that I had never needed before. I longed for a guy, which isn't a bad thing right? But I realized I was seeking a relationship for all the wrong reasons. I was unhappy with myself and struggling in other areas of my life. It wasn't fair to put all that pressure on one person. I also didn't do a good job finding the right guy. It didn't work out, which in the back of my head I should have known. I was now lost, confused, and feeling even more awful than before. I let a guy make or break my mood, which in my book is not okay. What I realized is you can't allow or rely on someone else to make you happy when you aren't even content with yourself. A person can mask the pain but sooner or later you will face your problems once again. I am finding myself and learning how to make myself happy. Once I discover the answers to all my questions and can solely rely on myself then maybe I can start to focus on some else but you have to make yourself number one. Relationships just complicate things if you jump into something for the wrong reasons. Be yourself, love yourself, kick ass, and let the world find your sparkle. If you do then everything will work out in the end. I truly believe that.